Science jokes

I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.

So big that when you step, you break the whole galaxy.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

Why can't dwarfs go to space? Because NASA is not sending monkeys into space anymore.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His PC overheated.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

How do you communicate to the dead?

Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!

Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.

What do you call a body without a nose?

Nobody knows.

Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.

What do / and \ have in common?

They have different results.

I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!

What did the skeleton pull out from behind his ear?

Nothing. Skeletons don’t have ears.

If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.

Stephen Hawking is to wheelchairs like Uncle Ben is to rice.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?

"Don't push me."

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."