Science jokes

Why do anions hate each other?

Because they can't handle the negativity!

Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?

'Cause he was in need of a light snack!

What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?

Hard shoulder.

What did the people do to the deceased after tests?

They bari-um.

Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and... a Tesla.

Do you love water?

Then you love 75% of me.

Love is in the air...

Wrong! Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Carbon Dioxide are in the air!

How do you communicate to the dead?

Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!

Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.

How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.

If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Yo mama so fat, she has her own gravitational pull.

Why can you never trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

What did Jupiter say to Uranus? Hey, I can see your Uranus from here!

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

Oops!

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

What went up but never came down?

Stephen Hawking's IQ.

Stephen Hawking said he wants other physicists to follow in his footsteps.