Barium jokes
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
What did the people do to the deceased after tests?
They bari-um.
What is Ba + 2Na?
Ans. Banana.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"