There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!
I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?
Sensei: What is that?
Me: Saw con deez nu...
Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?
Me: What’s ligm...
Sensei: 😈
Me: no no no no
Sensei: Ligma ba...
Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Why did the cheese blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Your hair goes so far back in time even cavemen saw it
When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.
