Saw jokes

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hangout.

I saw them hanging all day.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.

I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

I went to the store and I saw no oranges, and I went to ask the cashier:

"Cashier: Which one?"

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

I saw an orphan take a selfie... oh man, that was one alone family photo.

Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.