Saw jokes

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

Michael saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and asked her why she did that. Mommy said she was a good girl. Michael Joseph Jackson asked, "Can I be a good girl and kiss Santa Claus?" Mommy replied, "When you grow up to be a rich white woman." And now, we know the rest of the story.

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.

Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?

He saw the climate change.

What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?

"No, my cock!"

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.