Safety jokes
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
😷 👕 👖 Stay safe in Quarantine.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.