Safety jokes
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"