Safety jokes

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

What’s one good thing about a pedophile?

They drive slow in school zones.

What did the traffic light say to the truck?

"Don't look, I'm about to change!"

Why do a pedophile love Halloween?

Free delivery.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?

Americans...

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

What do babies and explosives have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉