Safety jokes

What’s one good thing about a pedophile?

They drive slow in school zones.

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?

Americans...

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

What's yellow but can't swim?

A bus full of children.

You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."