Safety jokes

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What did the traffic light say to the truck?

"Don't look, I'm about to change!"

What’s one good thing about a pedophile?

They drive slow in school zones.

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?

Americans...

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

What's yellow but can't swim?

A bus full of children.

You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.