If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
Safety Jokes
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
