Safety jokes
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.