Safety jokes
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
What problems might a blind child run into?
A wall.