Safety jokes

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

Why did the child cross the road?

Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?

You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Why do 911 jokes always fail?

They always crash and burn!

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

Why can’t the baby cross the road?

Walls.

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

What problems might a blind child run into?

A wall.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.

What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.

What do Americans call high school?

Shooting range.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"