Safety jokes
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered sex offender.
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
What problems might a blind child run into?
A wall.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.