Safety jokes

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered sex offender.

Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.

Why did the child cross the road?

Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Why do 911 jokes always fail?

They always crash and burn!

What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?

You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.

What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.

What problems might a blind child run into?

A wall.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.