Safety jokes

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

Why can’t the baby cross the road?

Walls.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?

You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Why do 911 jokes always fail?

They always crash and burn!

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.

What problems might a blind child run into?

A wall.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.