Safety jokes
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.
How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
What do Americans call high school?
Shooting range.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair in a burning building?
Hot wheels! 😎
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.
How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.
“NO NO NO”
I’ll give you some candy.
“Oh ok🤩”
Is crummy bears alright??
What begins in F and ends in UCK?
Fire truck.
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.