American

American jokes

Turkey

    • Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.

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    • Professor

    • A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

  • 2

    • Chess

    • Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

    Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

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    • American memes

    Drug Cartel

    • Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?

    Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.

  • 1

    • Fruit

    • Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

    The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

    They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

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    • Yo mama

    • Yo Mama's so fat... whilst she was walking the streets of London, she accidentally bumped into someone, and that someone yelled, "Stupid American!"

  • 0

    • Pattern

    • An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

    The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

    The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

    The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

  • 5

    • Self-defense

    • Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

    American: Self defense.

    Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

  • 1

    • Phone Call

    • Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

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