Religion jokes
Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨
Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
Jesus is what he eats!
Shit!
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
Jesus has had all the time in the world and all the power in the world to do whatever he wanted.
Guess what he has to show for nothing, but putting us in hell!
Being an absolute waste breathe of life, and of power!
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
Joke time!
Now, Heaven or Hell?
Heaven: we got clouds.
Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!
What's the difference between the Christ and Anti-Christ? The Romans put sugar syrup on the second one.
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
What is the difference between Benjah and Jesus?
Jesus walks on the water; Benjah wades through the water.
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
If you're a crucified savior, clap your hands.
Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.
Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!
Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?
Jesus is gay, and God is transgender.
One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"
The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"
The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."
They ask who, "The President?"
"No, more important."
"The president of another country?"
"No, more important."
"An ambassador?"
"No, even more important."
"Well, who is it?"
"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
Nuns be like: Can I spread the word, but check for you?