What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Ritual Jokes
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
As a kid, I used to eat a sour herb from a certain spot near a rock.
Now I pee on it, just following the ritual of Africa.
