Religion jokes
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
Father, then the priest says, "Son, Holy Spirit, amen." No, I was asking you a question, Father.
Bust it open for Jesus!
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Should I burn heaven?
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
Why is a priest called "father?" It's too weird to call them "daddy."
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
Why Satan didn't stop sending messages to God about hell?
'Cause they made a juice out of him.
Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!
What's the difference between Axne and a priest??
One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.
Me: uses the crucifix.
Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!
Your hairline is so far back that not even God knows about it.
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
ISIS is the mark of the beast.
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
God: Why is the teenager so short?
Angel: I don't know.
God: I said, "Strong as a bear!"
Angel: No, you said, "Ass hair."
God: No, I didn't!