Religion jokes
What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?
They're sus.
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
You wanna hear a good joke, kiddos?
Gods being real. (Newsflash, all gods are manmade. THEY'RE ALL FICTION!)
The priest is gay.
The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.
My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?
Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D
Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?
Me: Call The Police Ka!!!
Memes
So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?
A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
Allahu Akbar---Jalal 2019 xD
Jesus is what he eats!
Shit!
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Jesus has had all the time in the world and all the power in the world to do whatever he wanted.
Guess what he has to show for nothing, but putting us in hell!
Being an absolute waste breathe of life, and of power!
Joke time!
Now, Heaven or Hell?
Heaven: we got clouds.
Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
What's the difference between the Christ and Anti-Christ? The Romans put sugar syrup on the second one.
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.
Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!
Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?