Religion jokes
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
Why did Spencer eat cheese?
Because he was Jewish.
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋