Catholic Jokes

Priest

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What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Priest

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A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

Church

NotAKiller AreYouACop?
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You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

Priest

Keanu
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What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?

Little boys pants half off.

9

Religion

Anonymous
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

1

Jesus

Anonymous
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What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Priest

Person
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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

6

Hell

Anonymous
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How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

3

Priest

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What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne Waits until you're 13 to come on your face

Ignorance

Buzzkill
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Im treated like god when im home, im usually ignored until someone wants something.

Priest

B....face
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A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge”.

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Hide

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Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence

Priest

Anonymous
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What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the childs body.

Fat

an actual Eel
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what do fat demons hate, exorcise

Nun

John Vanover
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What do you you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

Priest

Anonymous
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What do you call a catholic priest who molests children? A catholic priest

6

Priest

Anonymous
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What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

0

Priest

Anonymous
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what does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common they both ask people "WHERES THE MEAT!"

Religion

Anonymous
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I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate".

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

4

Priest

Anonymous
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What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic

6