Catholic Jokes

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

what does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common they both ask people "WHERES THE MEAT!"

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?

Little boys pants half off.

what do fat demons hate, exorcise

Im treated like god when im home, im usually ignored until someone wants something.

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them? I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish

Who would win? The laws of the catholic church which have been affective for over 900 years

one horny henry

Why am I banned from my catholic orphanage? Because the children kept calling my daddy.

What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the childs body.

What do Macdonalds and Priests both do? They both put their meat between 10 year old buns

How to you trick a catholic priest into using the glory hole at a adult bookstore? tell him it is a confessional booth