Catholic Jokes

what does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common they both ask people "WHERES THE MEAT!"

Catholic men say eating Broccoli is like anal sex. If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult 🤷🏽‍♂️


What do Macdonalds and Priests both do? They both put their meat between 10 year old buns

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.


A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”


Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent ? Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Why am I banned from my catholic orphanage? Because the children kept calling my daddy.

Im treated like god when im home, im usually ignored until someone wants something.

What do you you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

What’s the difference between a Catholic and Rabbit? One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids to protect for predators.

A catholic school is burning down, one of the priest says: 'SAVE THE CHILDREN, SAVE THEM', an another priest says: F*CK THE CHILDREN, we're gonna die!! The last priest is like: hmmm... do we have time?

whats the difference between a zit and a catholic priest? a zit will wait til 12 before it cums on your face.


What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?

Little boys pants half off.