Religion jokes
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?” Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly. “Correct,” says the teacher. The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?” Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts. “Correct again,” says the teacher. The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep. This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?” Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
God: “Steven, join us.”
Sees the staircase to Heaven.
Steven: “Ahh, fu-”
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
Two nuns in a bath.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.