Religion jokes
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
What do you get when you cross a lesbian that is a feminazi, a lesbian that is a progressive democrat, a promiscuous woman that is a lesbian prostitute working inside a lesbian brothel in San Francisco, California, and one of Jehovah's Witnesses?
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.