Nail jokes

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.

But he nailed that mountain.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.

What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?

The look they give you while you’re nailing them.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?

Screw you!

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?

Ripping it off with a kick!

Hi Bradyeeeeeeee!

Hi Trent!

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.