Nail jokes

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

Did Jesus cut his nails?

No! His nails cut through him.

What is going on here?

Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.

ooOooOooOwwwwwwwwwnipplenipplenipplenipplenipple shat y lif.

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

Hi Sean!

FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFDLLLUFF

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday? Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

Hi Trent!

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.

You dirty-minded bastard!

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

I'm always hanging in there.

Hanging on the wall.

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!