How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Whats worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not!! He got nailed before he died.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when your nailing them

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.

Jesus walks in to a motel throws 3 nails on the counter and says can you put me up for a night

Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree?

One baby nailed to 10 trees

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

What is Jesus’ favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails.

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, “Peter, Peter”.

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, “Peter, Peter”.

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, “Peter, Peter”.

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says “Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important”?

Jesus- “Peter, I can see your house from here”.

What’s more fun than nailing a baby to the floor Ripping it off with a kick

Was Jesus a virgin? of course not! he was nailed before he was killed

You know when women clean their nails with chemicals no one cares but when hitler tries to clean poland with chemicals everyone goes crazy

Hot shingles in your neighbourhood wanting to get nailed.

What did sally get for Easter… Nail polish,

What’s better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten!

What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.