Nail

Nail Jokes

Duck

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

Carpenter

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

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  • Crucifixion

    Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

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  • Jesus

    Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!

    Tool

    Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

    Hammer

    You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

    But I also think I screwed it up.

    Difference

    What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

    The look on their face when you're nailing them.

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  • Jesus

    What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

    You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.

    Nun

    What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

    Jesus

    I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

    Nun

    What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

    One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

    Lesbian

    Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

    He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

    Penis

    Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

    "My penis."

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  • Jesus

    What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

    Depends on who's sucking.

    Baby

    What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?

    Ripping it off with a kick!

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