Relationship jokes

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

I want coffee like my men.

Dark.

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

Why did the bee get married?

Because she found her honey.

You mom.

What did Ron put in his diary?

I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.

Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

A: Will you marrow me?

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

Like if you wanna have sex.