Relationship jokes

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

Quin loves Robin. All he says is "Robin." This isn't a joke; Quin's gay.

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.

Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

The boy said, "No, I don't know."

She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

She said to him, "No, who is she?"

He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

Gays: I like men.

Straights: I like women.

Russia: Hole is hole.

Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

*bowl of dark grapes*

Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

Friend 2: Black? Good one.

Friend 1: 21 at a time.

When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.

She told her, "Hey, long time no see."

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.

What did Ron put in his diary?

I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.