Relationship jokes

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.

Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

The boy said, "No, I don't know."

She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

She said to him, "No, who is she?"

He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

Gays: I like men.

Straights: I like women.

Russia: Hole is hole.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.

She told her, "Hey, long time no see."

Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

I want coffee like my men.

Dark.

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

Why did the bee get married?

Because she found her honey.

You mom.