Friendship jokes

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?

A: Wanna hang out?

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?

They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.

With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.