Relationship jokes

What did Ron put in his diary?

I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

A: Will you marrow me?

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

Like if you wanna have sex.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have no one to call "daddy."

What's another name for an Incel? A feminist.

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?...

'Cause they need to find someone to call DADDY.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?