Relationship jokes

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

Why do sisters hate you?

Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P

Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

I like my women like I like my diving pools.

Wet and deep.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?