Relationship jokes

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

What do you call a picture of an orphan?

A family portrait.

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

Why do sisters hate you?

Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I like my women like I like my diving pools.

Wet and deep.