Relationship jokes
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.
I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
Why was the Orphan boy gay?
So he can call someone Daddy.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"