Relationship jokes
This dick ain't gon to suck itself.
<😏__ \ 👇 \ _/ 🍆\_
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
Friendship
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!
Why woman?
If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...
We don't see each other very much.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.