Relationship jokes
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they won't find anybody to call "daddy."
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?
A: A family portrait.
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")