That one depressed friend.
Relationship Jokes
We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.
"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."
And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
Yeah, Eli is hot.
Love you baby :^
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
