Relationship jokes

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

Why can’t orphans have sex?

'Cause they have no one to call daddy!

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?

They’re just two weeks to quit.

I've been told I've got a perfect cock.

She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.

What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?

They are always so distant! :-]

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Before: Caring & Noble.

After: Chernobyl.

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

Pickup line for gay people:

Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?

Me & my dad!

Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"