Relationship jokes
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
Memes
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?
A: A family portrait.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.
Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!