Relationship jokes
I have a crush on my sister!
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
Summary of Twilight in one sentence:
Bella hits on two guys, runs away. Edward glances to Jacob saying, "Go Fetch," and suddenly Bella's his.
Isn't Barbie supposed to come with Ken?
Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken.
I want to be a bag so we can be together.
I have a heart, alright. I just happen to see a mere hollow shell of one coming from you.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
Why do lesbians have the highest rate of domestic violence?
Because women are emotional and full of drama.
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"