A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
Relationship Jokes
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.
Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.
I don't think it's a good idea for AISH workers to date each other.
If there's ever a shooting at one of those offices, the kid would lose both parents.