Relationship

Relationship jokes

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.