My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead? She unlocks the handcuffs.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute.
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office. The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle? A unicycle can only take one person at a time
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing and then your house will be gone
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer
Why hand holding is a couple thing? Because they touch each others genitals anyway.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise who gets their first Obviously the lesbian couple they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long You wait to smash, for me and my girlfriend it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife? I woke up Chris breezy
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
