My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
