Relationship jokes
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Memes
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't scream "daddy!"
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
Quote for the day.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy" 😔
Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?
A knife has a point.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
My sex life.