Women jokes
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Men wake up with a boner.
Women wake up yawning.
Coincidence?
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change anything.
Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?
Because they’ll get chapped lips.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
Gays: "I like men."
Straight: "I like women."
Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."