Women

Women Jokes

women's rights

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

Choice

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

Military

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

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  • Money

    Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

    Wine

    I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.

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  • Woman

    Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.

    Woman

    Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

    Man: Men have to deal with women.

    Woman

    How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

    None, they can't change anything.

    Woman

    Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

    Republican

    "Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

    "Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

    Hole

    Gays: "I like men."

    Straight: "I like women."

    Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

    Teacher

    A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."

    Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."

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  • Man

    What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

    What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

    Blonde joke

    A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."