Women jokes

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.

Men wake up with a boner.

Women wake up yawning.

Coincidence?

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can't change anything.

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."

Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."