The 400+ Best Women Jokes

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a "choice". But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called "murder".

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the basement, and locked up

Men wake up with a boner. Women wake up yawning. Coincidence?

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet then leave with your house and car.

Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!

I like my couches like my I like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

I like my women like I like my coffee

Dark,Rich, and Imported

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one