Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
Relationship Jokes
I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't scream "daddy!"
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
