Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't scream "daddy!"
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.
Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?
A knife has a point.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy" 😔
Quote for the day.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
My sex life.
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
