Relationship jokes

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?

It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.

Are you George Floyd?

'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!

Incest is wincest. (That was above.)

Fun for the whole family!

Next of kin, count me in!

What is a threesome with 3 guys?

Gay sex and a witness.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.