Relationship jokes

Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.

I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?

When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't scream "daddy!"

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

The couple next door made a porn film.

They don’t know it yet.

Are you George Floyd?

'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!

Quote for the day.

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "daddy" 😔

Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

A knife has a point.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.