Relationship jokes
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.