Relationship jokes
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
Memes
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
What's the difference between being gay and straight? Well, it is the hole.
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
Roses are red, Tomatoes are redder. I think we both know, I like you better.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.