Relationship jokes
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.
There are two sexes: one with your mother and the other with you.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
Mom, am I adopted?
What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*