Relationship jokes
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
Dishwasher rape is another word for marital obligations.
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Your mom's hot.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Do you know why orphans can't get married?
Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
- Hey, are you single?
- No, I'm album.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."