Relationship jokes
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
bruh
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
What's the difference between being gay and straight? Well, it is the hole.
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."