Relationship jokes

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

Your mom's hot.

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.

Why did Obama marry Michelle?

Because he's into chicks with dicks.

Ur mom gay.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

Cameron and Pav.

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."