Relationship jokes
I like strippers on me.
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
Credit to omnom.
I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have a big dick and a very clean house. Add me now.
Snapchat: @colin_green21
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?
Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.
My sister said to me "I love him long time."
My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"
I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.