Relationship jokes

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "daddy."

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

Why can orphans just be gay?

Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."

Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.

Everyone at the barbecue...

My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

What's the difference between being gay and straight? Well, it is the hole.

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

What is an orphan’s favorite game? Adopt me.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have nobody to call "daddy."