Relationship jokes

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

Mom, am I adopted?

What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."

I love Bubba girls and yea.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.

Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.

The jury: O.o

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

Are you from Tennessee, because I eat ass.

John took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles was a man.

Dear Kenya, love of life,

Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!

Love you a million times more!

Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.

Gwen: Bastard, dummy, and is the dang ding one who started this, because of you Gwen I am now bullied! It's not the unknown will it is a lot but mostly you! AND ANNOYING YOU SHALL BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO WONDER EVERYONE HATES YOU!

Best, Tenya!

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."