Relationship jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.
Your mom's hot.
Do you know why orphans can't get married?
Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."