Relationship jokes

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

Why can orphans just be gay?

Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,

and then you remember you’re French.

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute?

Because they want to call someone "daddy."

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "daddy."

People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

What is an orphan’s favorite game? Adopt me.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have nobody to call "daddy."