Relationship Jokes

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?

"I'm stronger than you."

I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.

Johny Sin's son checked his father's folder of p*rn in his laptop.

and found that in all the videos his father is...

I'm hard right now.

'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)

you forgot something

A conversation between two users. The first message reads 'wybmag'. The second user asks, 'will you be my something girlfriend?' The first user replies, 'of course, I'll be your gf'. The second user then says, 'wow lol'. The first user states, 'So now your my gf', and the second user replies, 'well no'.

Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?

Mum?

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

A couple has sex in the dark every single night.

One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."

I finally got my wife to shut up.

Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!

I fucked my mom.

My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?

There's 20 of them.

1, 2, 3, 4, your sis is such a whore,

5, 6, 7, 8, she has cum on her face.

Wife is texting husband:

"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

Husband: "seilghsielguG"

Wife: "Seriously, David?"

Husband: "fuweyadb"

Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?

A sexy female.

I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.