Relationship jokes
Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"
Why is Viagra just like Disneyland?
It's a 1 hour wait for a 5 minute ride.
I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.