A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
Why do orphans like Batman? They are 50% like him.
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
Instead of Edward scissor hands I’m Edwardscissor wrists
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
'The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem" -Jack Sparrow
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
Whats the similarities between spiderman and a homeless person
They both have no way home!
What's the difference between princess Dianna and Thomas the tank engine Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel
Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
