Character

Character Jokes

Bacon

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

Autobiography

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

Divorce

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."

Autobiography

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

Memes

Difference

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?

A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.

Batman

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Toy

if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.

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  • Emo

    "What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."

    Mario

    Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!

    He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.

    Attitude

    "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow

    Movie

    Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.

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  • Pentagon

    The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...

    so Trump can't tweet it.

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  • Spiderman

    What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?

    They both have no way home!

    Game

    I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.

    Cinderella

    Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?

    Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"