Relationship jokes
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Knock, knock.
*takes out penis*
Who is there?
Butthole 😎
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
Ur adopted.
I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Here's her number.
Sike, that's the wrong number!
ooooooooooooooooooooo