Relationship jokes

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will actually look for the golf ball.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

I want a relationship.

*Masturbates*

I don't want a relationship.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.