Relationship jokes

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I want a relationship.

*Masturbates*

I don't want a relationship.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."