"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
Relationship Jokes
Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.
Me: And I don't speak idiot language.
I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Joe mama so fat that she is homeless wit you.
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?
A man will actually look for the golf ball.
I want a relationship.
*Masturbates*
I don't want a relationship.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
What did the baseball ⚾️ say to the bat?
“We should touch base.”
This orphan showed me a family photo.
But it was just a selfie.
