Relationship jokes
Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!
Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Why was your mom so into me?
'Cause she was the man.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
I got jealous when my phone dies.
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.