Relationship jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I have a traitor friend, and that is YOU.

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

My mom is bad and my dad is bad.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.