Relationship jokes

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Alone time.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

Wife: I’m pregnant.

Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.

Wife: No, you’re not.

What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.