Relationship jokes
I got jealous when my phone dies.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
Your mother.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.
What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
What is a "dad?"
Why don't orphans get dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
You're really sexy 😉