Relationship jokes
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Your nan.
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.