Relationship jokes
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they won't find anybody to call "daddy."
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?
A: A family portrait.
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.