Relationship jokes
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”
Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”
Son: “So your friend is gay?”
Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»
Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”
Father loudly: “YES!!!”
Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”
Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»
Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”
*A few hours later*
Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”
Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”
Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”
The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.
Are you my friend?
Because I would make you more than that.
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.