Relationship jokes
I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
I fucked your girl.
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
Your dad must be a mailman.
I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.
She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."
The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
You're adopted.
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!