Relationship jokes
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.
Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?
A: A family portrait.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?
They’re just two weeks to quit.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!