Relationship jokes
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?
They’re just two weeks to quit.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Boy: Hey! I love you...
Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.
*boy sent a pic of his dic*
Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.