Relationship jokes

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.

Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.

Why can’t orphans be married?

Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

That shirt's very becoming on you.

If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.