Relationship jokes

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and went right.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.

Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?

Bubbles:...

Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.

Alabama: 😈