Relationship jokes
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and went right.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.