Relationship jokes

Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Joe mama so fat that she is homeless wit you.

Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.

Birthday girl: Oh wow!

Parent: Anyone missing?

Birthday girl: Your parents.

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will actually look for the golf ball.

I want a relationship.

*Masturbates*

I don't want a relationship.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

What did the baseball ⚾️ say to the bat?

“We should touch base.”

This orphan showed me a family photo.

But it was just a selfie.

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourselves!