Relationship jokes
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.