Relationship jokes

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

Raju: How about you, Sunil?

Do you know?

Sanju: Sunil is my long distance

is a brother.

Raju: Long brother?

Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

Frenid: R u gay?

Me: Yes u

Frenid: No I am bi.

Me: Dang it!

Frenid: What?

Me: I like u.

Frenid: Ok I like u to.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”