Relationship jokes
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
The boomerang comes back.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
"UwU my balls says mommy."
"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"
Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.