Protection

Protection jokes

Fun

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

Banana Peel

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

Dildo

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Assault

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

Assassination

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

Memes

Catholic

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

Dick

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

Rapper

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!

Bear

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

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  • Grandfather

    My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

    Condom

    Why should you always wear rubber?

    So you don’t leave DNA evidence.

    Pimp

    What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

    Condoms!

    Password

    *Enter password*

    "ScoobyDoo"

    "Password must contain special character."

    "ScoobyDooFeaturingBatman"

    Part

    What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

    Plane

    There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.