Protection jokes

Keep yourself safe!

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Why do I carry pepper spray?

Just in case of as-SAULT.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

*Enter password*

"ScoobyDoo"

"Password must contain special character."

"ScoobyDooFeaturingBatman"

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?

In case of ill rhymes!

A condom!