Protection jokes
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Hey Alya and JK Master, how are you guys doing? No one being an ass to you guys today, right? If so, I'll beat them up :)
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓲𝓮.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?