Protection jokes
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."
The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."
The condom just sitting there laughing.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"