Guard

Guard Jokes

Fugitive

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

Guardian

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

Cow

What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?

Mooooooooooo along!

Caesar

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

β€œGuards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

Glory Hole

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

Midget

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, β€œWell, that’s a little condescending.”

  • 0
  • Orphan

    I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

    Blonde

    Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

    Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

    Dad

    Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

    The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

    First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

    Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

    Job

    I just got a job at the prison library.

    It has its prose and cons.

    Dog

    Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.

    Grandpa

    My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

    Pool

    I got caught peeing in the pool.

    The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!

    Orphan

    An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.

    Man

    A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

    The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

    The prisoner replies with: β€œCan you hold my hand?”