The 30+ Best Guard Jokes

the Guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was....

"Don't let your guard down"

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?

Mooooooooooo along

How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

Am I a guard or a guava?

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore? guardian of the confessional booth

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said; “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

Two guys watching a war movie at a Bar are talking , one says to the other. " The Nazi's starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war". The other says " my Dad died in a camp as well...he broke his neck" First guy says " how did he break his neck?" Second guy says " He fell out of the Guard Tower".

I just got a job at the prison library. It has its prose and cons.

What do you call a dog that tells the time ?

a watchdog

My grandpa died during world war II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have every seen. RIP.

What’s the differencd between prison and concentration camps? At least you don’t die when you shower.

Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.

I got caught peeing in the pool

The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair. The man who controls the chair asks for any last words. The prisoner reply’s with: “Can you hold my hand?”