Guard jokes

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

Am I a guard or a guava?

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier? “Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?

Mooooooooooo along!

If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.

How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.

I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.

Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.

"I thought you quit," replied the guard.

"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

I got caught peeing in the pool.

The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!