The 30+ Best Guard Jokes

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore? guardian of the confessional booth

the Guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was....

"Don't let your guard down"

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said; “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

I just got a job at the prison library. It has its prose and cons.

What do you call a dog that tells the time ?

a watchdog

Am I a guard or a guava?

What’s the differencd between prison and concentration camps? At least you don’t die when you shower.

My grandpa died during world war II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have every seen. RIP.

Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.

I got caught peeing in the pool

The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in

LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a LIFEGUARD

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair. The man who controls the chair asks for any last words. The prisoner reply’s with: “Can you hold my hand?”

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard. A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye. Moments later they start chanting 13...13...13...

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.