Care jokes
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?
Answer: Who cares?
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
Thomas Bulgin loves McDonald's dollars, A man of simple tastes, he hollers, With every visit, his heart does flutter, For golden arches, a fast food lover.
Those crispy fries, so perfectly fried, And burgers stacked, oh so high, The smell of grease, it fills the air, Thomas Bulgin, he'll always be there.
A dollar menu, his saving grace, A feast for him, a smile on his face, He counts his coins, with eager eyes, To savor each bite, a little prize.
In this world of fast-paced lives, Thomas Bulgin, he surely thrives, For in those golden arches, he finds, A moment of joy, that forever binds.
He cares not for gourmet cuisine, Nor fancy plates, fit for a queen, For in his heart, a simple truth, McDonald's dollars, his fountain of youth.
So let him eat, and let him feast, Thomas Bulgin, the fast food beast, For in those golden arches, he's found, A taste of happiness, unbound.
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
Why did the orphan want to go to jail?
So he could have a home and be cared for with food.
Guy 1: P-gay or T-gay?
Guy 2: P-gay sounds cooler.
Guy 1: Yeah me too. I don't like P-ewDiePie, always love T-series.
Guy 2: Omg what did i just say? I wasn't even knowing what were you talking about :<
Guy 1: Like I do care :$
Guy 3: But I do care :<
Guy 1: F*ck you.
Guy 3: Do it.
Guy 2: But you do care about me.
Guy 3: No.
Guy 2: F*ck you.
Guy 3: Do it.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.