Care Jokes

Anonymous

What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses

5
Anonymous
in Woman

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"

3
Anonymous
in Puns

You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?

5
Anonymous

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

4
Anonymous

What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?

I don't care if she has either.

The best jokester🥴
in Math

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 7 percent?

Jasmine
in Depression

My friends: ugh why are you so lazy and no fun My parents: why can't u be like ur siblings My teacher: I don't care if ur depressed focus on ur study! The songs: we understand you :)

9
Anonymous
in Darkness

My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care

aussie mate
in Offensive

i swear in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers cant even win a war, might as well send all your school shooters over there

in Orphan

no one cares if you bully an orphan, what they gon' do? tell their parents?!

Ur Mum
in Puns

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. last time she just let it go.

James Bray
in Dad

Dad. Son who do you want to marry when you grow up? Son. A ugly girl. Dad. Why not a pretty girl? Son. A pretty one might run away. Dad. So and ugly one might to. Son. Yeah but who cares.

No Honey for a month
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee, his dad sees this and says "i saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies "i don't care, i don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says " i saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little johnny replies "I don't care, i don't like butter anyway." Both little johnny and his dad go in for dinner, johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. little johnny looks and smiles and says "do you want to tell her or should i?"

EDP445 has invaded this website
in EDP

He is looking for children if you don't know who edp445 is look him up

be careful around edp445

in Emo

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

They cut deep.

Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

How many emos like anagrams?

Some.

What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?

Emold.

What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?

They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.

What do you call flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares, let them cry in the dark.

Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

It was the Happy Meal.

Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.

“Emo cake?” says the baker. ” What exactly is it?”

Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”

How do you pull an emo from a tree?

Cut the rope.

What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?

They’re both white and flavourless.

What do emo birds call their mouths?

Bleaks.

What do you call an obese emo teen?

An edgelard.

Recommended: Fat Jokes

What do you call a gang of emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

How are cats and emos different from one another?

The cat still has 8 other lives.

Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?

They are playing Fruit Ninja.

What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?

Sonic the Edgy hog.

Why would the emo swallow a clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Why are Emos still around?

Because the suffering never ends.

What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?

You encourage them.

What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?

A toaster.

What is the favourite game of an emo?

Hangman.

Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?

So it could cut itself.

A group of friends started an emo salsa band.

They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.

What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?

Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.

What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?

I don't know! I don't care!

Tanner

I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

yo mama, oh wait...
in Orphan

How to get quick cash: Step 1: Kill a child's parents Step 2: Do foster care for them Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care

Jeremy Clarkson

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care centre, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

Anonymous

my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don't stand up for her in fights I don't care she use to push me around all the time