Car

Anonymous

What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses

4

Woman

Anonymous

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”

3
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Puns

Anonymous

You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?

5

Depression

Jasmine

My friends: ugh why are you so lazy and no fun My parents: why can’t u be like ur siblings My teacher: I don’t care if ur depressed focus on ur study! The songs: we understand you :)

5

Common

Anonymous

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

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Time

The best jokester🥴

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 7 percent?

Girlfriend

Anonymous

my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time

Darkness

Anonymous

My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don’t even care

Life

Tanner

I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

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Orphan

yo mama, oh wait...

How to get quick cash: Step 1: Kill a child’s parents Step 2: Do foster care for them Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care

Calculator

Anonymous

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.

0

Puns

Ur Mum

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. last time she just let it go.

Girl

James Bray

Dad. Son who do you want to marry when you grow up? Son. A ugly girl. Dad. Why not a pretty girl? Son. A pretty one might run away. Dad. So and ugly one might to. Son. Yeah but who cares.

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Girl

imsogay.com

i hate it when ever i bring a girl over my parents don’t care but when i bring one of my friends thats a boy there like KeEp ThE DoOr OpEn and im gay

Cow

Anonymous Cow

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. “What a cute bunch of cows!” she remarked. “Not a bunch, herd”, her friend replied. “Heard of what?” “Herd of cows.” “Of course I’ve heard of cows.” “No, a cow herd.” “What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!”

Die

Death&Decay

My grief counsellor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn’t care.

Wife

Yeetus

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital. Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, “Are you the one taking care of my wife?” The doctor glanced away from his papers, “Yes, that would be me. But I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheel chair. Also, she can’t eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically ot will be like taking care of a big baby.” Shocked, the guys says, “Wait, if that’s the bad news, than what is the good news?” The doctor goes, “I’m just kidding with you, she died!”

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Puns

Anonymous

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? A chicken tender

Daughter

PunnyGuy

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,“whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars.” some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,“wow I can’t believe you did it! So whats your prize?” the guy says,“I don’t care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!”

Depression

SANSationalPuns06

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do? I look for a way out, but there’s not even a light shining through. The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark. Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there’s always one who’s fair. That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect. Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side. Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know. But that was in the past and this isn’t about my dark ride, it’s time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.