My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
Abortion is not murder; it's canceling a pre-order.
I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.
What do you call a kid going fast on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
Chinese always proud of their principle in business.
The fact is only products they copy that go international, except for COVID.
Why are bees' hair always sticky?
Because they use a honeycomb...
Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.
Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!
What's white and sticky?
Toothpaste.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.
None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
