Product jokes
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Why are white people so white?
Because they forgot to urine on lotion.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. 😜
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and smell bad.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."
And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."
What do you call a swimmer from Iraq?
A bath bomb.
Your hairline is so expired, it’s more expired than your milk!
Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.