Product jokes
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Why are white people so white?
Because they forgot to urine on lotion.
What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
Memes
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. π
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and smell bad.
A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."
And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
What do you call a swimmer from Iraq?
A bath bomb.
Your hairline is so expired, itβs more expired than your milk!
Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. π§Ό
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."