I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Umbrella Jokes
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?
Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
In case of ill rhymes!
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For some sick DRIZZLE on his tracks.
What's the difference between an umbrella and a tree?
I don't know.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For when he made it RAIN in the club.
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???