Market jokes
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
Ever heard of the currency TNT?
All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT!
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.
He yells, "Hello ladies!"
If you really think about it, every market in Africa is a black market.
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.