What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.
Now they call him Hot Wheels.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
My pregnate wife said we were gonna name the kid digorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me its not delivery its digiorno.
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head N Shoulders
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to go check my garage, it’s all good bc I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food
Why did the pervert sing Gucci Gang? Because a woman just gave him a lil pump
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common? One of these days, we’re both are gonna be hanging from the ceiling
What brands do people in wheelchair wear?
Michelin
What brand of paint Michael Jackson use to paint Neverland Ranch? Dutch Boy.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge they were wearing a Nike JUST DO IT shirt
fila is a cool brand. I fila cock in my ass
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike Stole his slogan, just do it
my son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
