Brand jokes

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?

White vans.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?

Head N Shoulders.

What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?

Answer: Forever 21.

KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."

What did the HP say to a Dell?

Hello!

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.

What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?

Hot Wheels.

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?

Michelin.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!