Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
My pregnate wife said we were gonna name the kid digorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me its not delivery its digiorno.
What’s a kidnappers favorite shoe brand? White vans
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head N Shoulders
What’s juice wrlds favorite place to shop at
Answer forever 21
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to go check my garage, it’s all good bc I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food
Why did the pervert sing Gucci Gang? Because a woman just gave him a lil pump
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common? One of these days, we’re both are gonna be hanging from the ceiling
What brands do people in wheelchair wear?
Michelin
What brand of paint Michael Jackson use to paint Neverland Ranch? Dutch Boy.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge they were wearing a Nike JUST DO IT shirt
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of SHOE?
Ad-lib-idas
What is the most favorite coffee brand of feminists? TastersCHOICE!
Dulux have created a new type of paint its called Sue Grey it covers up everything.
What does a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?
We're all empty on the inside.
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike Stole his slogan, just do it
my son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
What is Spiderman's favourite rice Uncle Ben
