What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.
Now they call him Hot Wheels.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head N Shoulders.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?
Hot Wheels.
KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to go check my garage, it’s all good bc I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food
Why did the pervert sing Gucci Gang? Because a woman just gave him a lil pump
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common? One of these days, we’re both are gonna be hanging from the ceiling
What brands do people in wheelchair wear?
Michelin
What brand of paint Michael Jackson use to paint Neverland Ranch? Dutch Boy.