Product jokes

Do you want to buy my Hoover?

I mean... it's just collecting dust.

Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.

If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...

What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?

A bath bomb.

Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

Velcro is such a rip-off.

I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.

So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.

So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?

No more tears.

Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...

What are cheetahs' favorite chips?

Cheetah Puffs!