Product jokes
Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.
What do ants use when they're stinky?
Deodorant.
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?
No more tears.
Why do toy bears have small eyes?
Because they were made in China.
Memes
When your mom says: "Theres still something inside"
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
What cigarettes does Churchill's wife like to smoke?
Blue Winston.
What cigarettes does Churchill's wife like to smoke?
A blue Winston.
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
What’s Emos favourite bacci?
Cutters choice.
Her (DYM 121).
Glue is sticky.
hahahahahhhahaha
Hey, look, it's Bai! (insert the picture of a Bai drink)
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Vaseline
Why don't I poop Windex? Because I Pledge to do my doodie!
Put some Windex on it.
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?