Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Can I get a HOYA?
What shampoo does Stephen Hawkings use?
Head & Shoulders.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year, and one's a great year.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
