One jokes
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
McDonald's sweet chili chicken one.
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Orphans have tasted all cookies except for homemade ones.
Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.
Why can't orphans be gay?
There's no one to call "daddy."
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
"We are Number one."
What did the one tower say to the other?
"Here comes the airplane!"
I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...
...Steve Kerr’s team.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.