One

One jokes

Fax

    • An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.

    They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.

    "Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.

    The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.

    "State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."

    They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.

    "Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.

    When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.

    "No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."

    Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.

    The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.

    "What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.

    "Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."

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    • Abortion

    • Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.

    One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.

    "He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."

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    • Glory Hole

    • Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.

    I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.

    Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.

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    • Wind Turbine

    • So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

    The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

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    • Twilight

    • Summary of Twilight in one sentence:

    Bella hits on two guys, runs away. Edward glances to Jacob saying, "Go Fetch," and suddenly Bella's his.

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    • Blonde

    • Three girls were lined up for execution. The black-haired one, being the smart one, turned around and yelled, "Tornado!"

    Everyone panicked, and she escaped. The red-headed one, following her example, shouted as the executioners got back, "Hurricane!"

    The red-headed friend escaped too. Now, it was the blonde's turn. Following both her friends, she turned to the executioners and yelled:

    "Fire!"

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    • Sex

    • Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?

    If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?

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    • Bath

    • What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?

    One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.

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    • Red Light

    • According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?

    "Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."

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    • Orphan

    • They didn't know where to put the orphan. He was returned from the hospital he was born from; the parents gained one cent, while the orphan gained potatoes as friends.

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